This thing called a dissertation

The activity quilt made by mom for the little one.


So, I wanted to thank ya'll (that's for my Southern kin) for the rest of you, (you all), for sending me pushes to write. I haven't written all that much all week but I did write a lot today and I am still writing today (simply taking a mini break to put this down).

I wanted to first say, no one needs to truly edit my drafts.... that was just a turn of phrase....I really need motivation and encouragement more than editing at this point. I'm not quite there yet. And secondly, that this is only the first of 3 stages of the dissertation, it's a long process, so don't expect finished pages by April, simply step 1 of 3 will be finished. But, like pregnancy, one step at a time!

But lastly, I thought, that I would share, along with pictures of my fabulous baby shower given to me by Kathy and Mom, the beginning of my crazy dissertation idea...it actually started almost 2 years ago, but this was my first draft, a long, long time ago.

And this is also my way of saying how wonderful it was to see all of you and receive your love and gifts for Daniel and our little one. We truly appreciated it and seeing you, even for the short time that it was.
Some of the neighbors!
A wonderful group of gals from Transy days!
Some ole friends!
Some of the fabulous onesies made by everyone!!! There are a lot more pics on the Picasa site, just click over the pictures on the left and you can find the shower album.


......(written Fall 08)... I recently attended a baby shower for one of my college friends. Due to circumstances of time and space this shower was one of the first times that I had seen her since graduating. Yet, when the invite came I made the trip without hesitation. Most of our other friends attended as well and they also had not seen each other very often during in these quickly passing years of the twenties where love and career seem to take precedence above all else. So what was it then, about a baby shower, which if you have never been, is not really an amazing amount of fun, that made us all stop our lives and take time to visit and renew our friendships with one another? Of course, during the shower, while eating too sweet cake and sipping on strange non-alcoholic versions of cocktails, and nodding to great-aunts who seemed confused at the number of guests and young women in the room, we all lamented that we all only saw each other when a child was born and of course, as things would have it, we still only see each other when a child is born.

While eating that too sweet cake and watching my friend try and smile as she opened one present after another, I had the thought that there was something magical about an expectant mother that we cannot ignore as women. And this is why even as a modern feminist I feel that baby shower and a wedding shower should be for women by women. But then I recognized that there may be something also about the expectant mother that we cannot ignore as a society.

There is a story about the child that we tell ourselves and it begins here, where we sit around and expect, where we focus on an expanding women, where we turn her body into that which something attends. There is hope there and there is also fear but mainly there is expectation and the knowledge that surprise surrounds the women’s body.

But what happens to this story? This expectant beginning? What happens when all the presents have been put away, the visitors have returned to their states, and the mother has given birth?

The child has been born, the surprise has occurred and surprise turns to growth.

Figuring out the child, this thing that comes from surprise is important to figuring out the person but not psychologically, not because we look at childhood to uncover our past, but because we look at the child in order to figure out what it means to be human. We must look at childhood because otherwise we neglect what it means to be a human that grows and changes and is the one thing that cannot be encapsulated in this strange world......

So this is where my dissertation began and now I'm the pregnant expanding woman thankful to all the women who surrounded me with love and hope just a few weeks ago. And I'm the pregnant woman trying to write something real in the next two months.



Thank you again for all the inspiration and love,

Stephanie

Please Help

I read this article yesterday on how new moms are often overworked, stressed, tired beyond all belief and that all of their family and friends know it!

And the article said that it isn't that family and friends want new moms to be overworked, stressed, and tired beyond all belief but that there are two communication mistakes that happen.

The first is that the family and friends say, "Please tell me what you need and I'll be happy to come over/cook/clean/hold the baby while you take a shower."

And the second is that the new mom says, "Ok. But then waits for her friends and family members to show up."

And what happens is that family and friends show up but since the mom doesn't ask for anything they assume she's fine. And since the family and friends don't offer anything specific she puts on tea and tries to find a clean t-shirt.

The article advised that new moms have to say, "Please help. I need a meal cooked on Tuesday and since I had a C-section and can't go up or down stairs I need either someone to go buy me 7 pairs of underwear in ladies size x or do some laundry for me."

And that friends and family should simply come over, not expect tea and just do one thing around the house, without asking, without complaining, or you know, rearranging the china cabinet because you would prefer that they showcase the vase you bought them last year.

I think I'm guilty on both accounts. I rarely ask for the help I really need and I have known a few new mommies where I simply offered help, not realizing that this just creates a new obligation for the new mom.

I think this is behavior we have learned in our society where families live very separately from one another and friends are met through formal social networks like education and careers so that we don't feel comfortable simply assuming what someone needs. And in our capitalist based society if "I do something for you" it means "you have to do something for me" which means we shy away from asking for favors.

So, in an effort to begin asking for help. I'd like to ask for some right now, call it my practice for becoming a new momma.

I would like to ask all of you to try and help me stay focused in the next 2 months (that's it because I plan to be finished by the middle of March) on writing my dissertation. I started this blog in an effort to give me another reason to keep my writing focused but its too darned easy to simply talk baby and due dates and pictures of family and new updates on the house.

So if you would take some time every now and again to shoot me an email to

sabs2147@gmail.com

that says, "hey steph, have you taken time to write for at least an hour today?" or "hey, I know its hard to focus when your round ligament hurts, send me a paragraph of what you wrote yesterday and I'll edit if for you" or "if you don't start writing I'll have to come over there"

I would really appreciate it.

Best,

Stephanie

A Kitchen and Bathroom Story

Above is our new kitchen!!! The picture on the left is the main part. The picture on the right bottom is the way our glasses look in the new cabinets and the above right picture is my new "appliance" pantry. There are still some aesthetic things to be figured out, we haven't done baseboards or trim and there are a few cabinet lights to hang. But, we now have a disposal, a place to put ALL the pots, a real pantry next to the refrigerator, a cupboard to store tea and coffee, a refrigerator that fits into its space, an extra kitchen mudroom which doubles as Pascal's door and a place to keep kitchen tools and snacks. Plus it's a beautiful green color and it is INSULATED, and it no longer smells like an old lady and her birds. The stove is still the original as it was in good working condition. So, even though it doesn't quite fit we are okay with keeping it until we HAVE to replace it to sell. Below find the before and after pics I've created (we also redid the bathroom WHICH IS NO LONGER PEPTO BISMO PINK!!!!). To see Daniel hard at work on it all (I supervised most of this from the couch trying not to throw up yogurt) please visit the pictures on the Picasa site!

And really, this was a LABOR of love on Daniel's part, so any WOW comments please be sure to send his way!!!! And also a HUGE shout out to Kevin who helped replace the toilet and was a key and necessary player in most of the renovation!

The old ceiling vs. the new track light ceiling!

The old and the new bathroom!

The new toilet only takes a little bit of water and is FLAPPERLESS! Our old toilet used GALLONS of water and ran for hours!

That curtain was gone a long time ago but we finally got cabinets and painted it a beautiful blue and added a ceiling fan and lights! And a sink that you can fit a BABY into!

Old and New

Old sink meet new sink...No backsplash, meet a backsplash, unusable cupboards which smell like birds meet brand new cabinets!

Ahh, so that's the window we are supposed to be able to use! And look now there is a pantry and the refrigerator fits!

So the pots are all gone and fitted into a cupboard so is the ugly 70s wood paneling and now there is space for pregnant momma in the kitchen!

Nice new floor no more tacky linnoleum!

Juicing!

I've always wanted a juicer. Really, like since before Daniel and I moved to New Jersey. I know that often the juicer becomes another machine in the kitchen that takes up tons of room or gets regulated to the highest most unreachable cupboard.




But I still wanted a juicer!

And I received one from my mom and dad for Christmas. So, coming home to some fantastic oranges sent from Daniel's family along with a some older apples which skins were past their prime I thought, here's my chance...let the juicing begin!

So, the first time wasn't great. I ended up giving Kevin and I severe indigestion because I included too many of the orange peels and used old oranges left from before we went to Ohio.

Take II was much better. In fact it was lovely. The oranges were Honeybells which seem perfect for juicing (they are rather too soft to actually eat...they kindof melt in your mouth when you bite down). And Daniel made french toast while Kevin played 'taste' tester!

It's fun to have someone here to juice for. We had a lovely breakfast this morning which instigated Kevin and Daniel to begin "project Sunday"

-New Toilet Installation
-Tile Backsplash Creation
-Primed Walls in the Kitchen

AWESOME SUNDAY

And I want to say thank you for the juicer! My project in the next week is to learn some veggie juicing techniques so that possibly I'll be able to eat some veggies besides salad greens and potatoes as my belly grows and grows!

And because Daniel planned such a great kitchen I have a PLACE for my juicer! And the expresso machine and the coffee pot and the blender!!!