4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11!

I know, I haven't been posting. Deal with it. The stories will come later. Right now my only focus is FOOD and SLEEP. But for all those wondering how shapely I'm getting...here come your comparison photo collages!

Starting from the top left, top right, bottom left, bottom right 4 5 6 7 (that's my new purple teaching outfit which I wore to the first dr. appt)



Starting from the top left, top right, bottom left, bottom right 8, 9, 10, 11!!!

Obviously I didn't know how bad morning sickness could feel so I thought week 8 was horrible and refused to take pictures of myself, this is one that I took because I wanted Daniel to feel sorry for me :) Which he does (and also a little bit for himself as he watches me get sick on the lasagna/spaghetti/oatmeal/chicken/potaoto/tacos ____, he makes me).

I actually had the worst week in week 10. SO, I am hoping that the combo of Yoga (which I finally started) and swimming twice a week (which I love, even though I feel like a whale in my racing suit (mostly because I think I look like little girls when they are about 8 and haven't yet grown tall so they still have that baby round stomach with a little girl's face),

plus the bonus of the ULTRASOUND that comes Wednesday will get me through week 11 with smiles and just a tad less whining:)

The Body and the Mind

I have been fielding a lot of questions since the big announcement. Most of which center around due dates and my favorite "were you planning this" (which is one of my favorite because people try and ask that one in all sorts of euphemistic ways. My all time favorite being, "and was this an aim of yours in life?"

But a few of those questions have been about how my dissertation studies are going and how I plan to keep them going during this time.

Of course, the easy answer to that question is, 'well, it's kind of my job, so yeah, it'll keep going' and the long answer to that question in three words is 'i don't know'.

Obviously having a child will affect my writing and my reading habits. I know that there are some members of my family who believe that I really will try and read my baby to sleep with Plato's Republic or John Dewey's Art as Experience (although personally, the one philosopher that always puts me right to sleep is Kant) and I'm sure that there will be some nights where the dear little one is rocked to sleep while I read him or her some awesome feminist article. But I'm also sure that those perennial favorites "good night moon" and "brown bear, brown bear" will make it in there as well.

And obviously a hungry baby will not allow me to say, "Well, just hold on, I have one little paragraph to write and then we can have dinner!"

But I think that the disruption will actually be something much deeper. For the past few weeks I have noticed a deep empty feeling about my writing but not in a way that signifies writer's block or frustration. Rather, it's a feeling that I am busy gathering rather than being able to give right now. I'm in a taking sort of mode. It doesn't feel greedy or selfish but more in a way that I feel open to new ideas and new possibilities.

Which, for a writer can be a wonderful thing. Disruption is horrific in the writing process but if it a disruption that allows one to be inspired or to re-imagine or to re-organize within then sometimes those disruptions can push one's writing to new heights...almost dizzying ones.

I think about how some of my best papers were written really towards the end of the semester...almost at the brink of being 'too late'. But this is because a really good class is about taking in, growing, receiving, becoming something new...which means you are often not ready to write until you are filled to bursting (although that is not to EXCUSE any of my student's from procrastinating!!!)

So, I'm under no delusions that this life change will affect my life and hence my writing and reading life. But I'm also hopeful, that my body and my mind are not disconnected but are intimately and importantly connected. So that when I do write (in between puking and napping) , that which I write, will be something that my body and the body that is growing within me understand.

It isn't easy being green

So my post today is about dreaded morning sickness....
DON"T STOP READING!
I promise, no gory details....although it does amaze me that EVERY single woman on earth who has ever BEEN morning sick LOVES to tell me their horror story. I suppose it is to make me feel better. But to tell you the truth it just turns me greener.

But anyway, tonight's post is about the fact that when I first became pregnant (and my sister can vouch for this) I used to moan and complain that I had no idea if everything was working right because I WASN"T morning sick (that's right people, I apparently already had what one reader of this blog has deemed 'pregnancy brain'). My sister rightly told me that I was CRAZY that I should GO TAKE A NAP and I should enjoy the few weeks of eating that I had left.

Of course she was right.
And lo and behold I got home to Daniel and promptly have not been able to be in our kitchen for longer than 5 minutes at a time...although I did manage to make a peach cobbler on Wednesday night once he gathered the ingredients from the refrigerator for me (and I managed to not puke until the crisp was safely in the oven). It was delicious by the way and did not feel like cheating (see last post).

But I do remember the first time I had to run to the bathroom. And the strangest thing happened. I finished (remember I promised no gory details), came out of the bathroom and Daniel was all, are you okay, and giving me a hug and I remember having to hide a grin.

Because you see (and this is the crazy pregancy brain talking) when you are nauseous and vomiting you feel pregant and hence you feel as if everything is okay and working well. So though you feel like crap you also feel reassured: this is normal, this is good, it means I have a healthy pregnancy going on.

Which brings me to this next point which is REALLY CRAZY. When I am not nauseous and vomiting and actually feeling pretty dang good (despite the fact that none of my pants fit) I then get the what ifs and the worries and the oh I wish I were done with this first trimester jitters.

So, it's been a hard week. I'm tired. I'm tired of being green and I'm really tired of worrying.

A bran muffin made with honey is cheating????

Being an avid reader and a well practiced researcher it's not surprising that the first thing I did when we found out that a little one was on the way was drive to BN and try and find the best baby book I could find. We ended up purchasing one about for fathers and the Mayo Clinic week by week book. That one has been extremely helpful, although a little medical but it helps with the hypochondriac part of me! But for the most part the research on babies and pregnancy is downright ridiculous. And the stuff for fathers is downright dismal. Either its completely corny or it plays on the classic, "your life is over now that your wife weighs 30 pounds more and breastfeeds".

Most of it centers on anecdote, very little of it is referenced, and even the new editions of the classics are well-dated. The only book I have really enjoyed is Birth, The Surprising History of How We Are Born. This doesn't surprise me as research on childhood (which is part of my dissertation) and the expectant mother is a fairly new aspect of the scientific, pychological, and humanistic diciplines.

So for this post, I'd like to share a piece of the classic, "what to expect when you're expecting" which made me want to vomit....which is entirely too easy to make me do these days but still: Read ON:

"Best-Odds Cheating: Unless you have a food allergy or sensitivity, no food need by completely off limits, even during pregnancy. The Best-Odds Diest recognizes that all of us slip up -really need to slip up -every once in a while. To eliminate guilt, the diet allows for cheating. So once a week give in to something that is not quite perfect but not totally terrible: a bagel, some bread, or pancakes made with refined flour; frozen yogurt or ice mild made with sugar; french fries or fried chicken; a fast food burger; a bran or whole-grain muffin made with sugar or honey. Once a month, treat yourself to something terribly wicked; a slice of cake or pie; an ice-cream sundae; a candy bar. Always try to cheat selectively -choose carrot cake or cheesecake over buter -cream-frosted yellow cake; cookies made with oats, raisins, or nuts rather than chocolate chips."

Seriously, I mean, look, I eat healthy. Daniel and I were full blown vegetarians for a good year and now we are brown rice flexitarians. I love me a good mango for dessert but to say that ONCE A MONTH is when I can eat a CHOCOLATE-CHIP COOKIE and a BAGEL is considered cheating is downright ludicrous!

So, the search is on! The first person to find and introduce me to the pregnant woman that followed this crazy advice earns me making YOU the biggest, baddest, bunch of chocolate chip cookies EVER (which you can eat in front of her, as she clutches, WTEXWYE, to her chest moaning!)

Sharing the News

I couldn't wait to post these photos of Daniel calling his aunts and uncles. They speak for themselves.

The Big News: Addendum

For some bonus info:

I'm about 8 weeks now and in the full throes of "morning" sickness. Daniel now cooks, cleans, and basically caters to my every need while I whine, cry, and generally moan whenever anyone talks about food. I'm really such an amazing wife :)

He is completely patient and puts up with it all graciously. I cannot eat tomatoes or Starbucks pumpkin loaf or salads. I can eat veggies when they are cooked and in small bite size pieces. All other foods seem just fine --if I'm in eating mode!

The Big News

Yup! It's true! We are expecting in April! I thought ya'll would enjoy the videos of some people I was able to tell in person.

To be fair to Daniel, I did wake him up at 5:30 in the morning and he had NO idea what I was doing and after some wows! and reallys! and some awfully big grins and kisses! he got right out of bed and made me a great big breakfast outside on our patio.




And well, for Kathy, she'll have to explain her own reaction ---which was about pure shock for 2 days!




We'll keep you well posted.
We have our ultrasound appointment on the 30th of September. We had a great appointment with a wonderful midwife last week and everything looks quite good. I'm even gaining weight...so all you who thought I was going to be the tiniest pregnant lady ever are going to be sadly mistaken!

Teaching

So I just had a student from 2 semesters ago email me and ask for advice, a meeting, and the link to one of the readings that I had assigned to that class.

Wow. I feel SO good right now. I feel like an actual teacher. As if I moved someone in a direction that was purposeful.

So many times teaching is such an exercise in patience. There is no way that our students can take in all the information that we throw at them and yes, cram down their throats when it comes right down to it. And there are all kinds of teaching practices that are supposed to remedy this horrible disjunct between teaching and learning such as dialogue and constructivism and developmentally appropriate curriculum. And of course there is assessment and testing which is supposed to give you the feedback to show that learning has taken place.

But in reality it's sometimes just you, the student, and an impossible gap.

It's just nice when that gap gets bridged!

Reconstruction

So Daniel and I recently purchased a 100 year old home. Okay, now its 101 years old. Wow! It’s squished between two houses of about the same age although one is in much better shape. Because this is Jersey we share a driveway with one neighbor and we share our lives with the other neighbor because his driveway is the entire right side of our house.

That means that we are privy to neighbor’s pit bulls, ’57 Camaro, 3 vans, “Big Daddy’s Garage”, their trash (see previous post about stinkage), and yes, their delightful children (and there I’m not being sarcastic, the children really are delightful, friendly, playful, and rather polite for kids growing up in Jersey).

That being said we have spent a lot of time in the backyard making it a place where we do not share anything with the neighbors (although I have given away some peppers and tomatoes).

We also have spent A LOT of time making the inside of the house someplace that feels like an escape from this entirely too crowded local that is Jersey.

And this unfortunately has not been the most peaceful of enterprises....surprise, Stephanie has standards, questions, and little patience and Daniel hates to cut straight lines :)

So far (we) and I use that lightly as Daniel is the brawn and the brains behind most of the projects have stripped the upstairs floors, painted the entire upstairs, painted the entire downstairs, removed one closet, created a walk-in closet, hung blinds and curtains, added a deck and a fence (with some help from dad), changed the back door, added a water line for the new refrigerator, fixed the kitchen plumbing, and the latest project has been the renovation of the bathroom!

I labeled this post reconstruction because none of these projects have been about only adding something new but have all had to take into account the fact that we live in a 100 year old house. This has been where most of the arguments have ended us. Reconstructing is very much different than constructing. You have to take into account the shape and the form of what was there previous. You have to deal with random 1 foot square brick columns that run through the most useful space in your kitchen, you have to recognize that your concrete porch stairs have to fit onto your new deck, you have to find out that the bathroom heater cannot be moved and that there is a 2 foot long permanent hole in your bathroom wall where the 50 year vanity hung.

So it is not easy...especially when you are doing it all yourself. I have to give Daniel accolades for staying positive and learning how to do electric, plumbing, and drywall all while I hold my hands on my hips, shake my head and say, "I don't know, is that the way you should be doing that?" "I have the fire department on speed dial in case you catch something on fire!"

But then again, this is the way that I often look at life. I'm one to be ready to call the fire department or to get angry when things aren't perfect the first time around. Yet, I firmly believe that there is no such thing as a fixed essence, or a permanent self. We are always and forever reconstructed beings. We are always adding, remodeling, removing, sanding down, building up pieces of our selves and we have to take into account that we are doing so on top of already built pieces....maybe not 100 years old but still of some age. I've always found this process painful to go through. Change is difficult for me BUT I am one of those people not content to not be involved in the process. So while I moan and complain and sometimes cry about all this reconstruction, of self and house, in the long run I'm really happy about all of it. It makes life worth living, worth doing, and worth going through.

Now, if only I could find the dissertation isle at Home Depot!